Dare to NOT Compare
Whenever someone achieves something that is impressive or positive, they are sure to get asked this question more often than others… “How did you do it”. Maybe they shed a lot of weight and became fit and healthy, or maybe they quit their day job, pursued a dream, and made it come true. No matter what the result is, there is a journey present that people don’t get to see, they just witness the results. The answers to the question above aren’t found in the result but rather within that journey. It’s easy to say things like “I worked hard and stayed committed” or something more philosophical like “I crystallized my goals, planned for everything, set deadlines, viewed all my obstacles as lessons and opportunities to grow and refused to give up”. I’ve said dozens of variations of those statements over the years when asked how I accomplished certain things, but that doesn’t really answer the question and it’s not usually what people want to hear. They are seeking the result and not often interested in the journey.
Let’s be honest, when asking about your result, most people when they hear that your answer is “hard work and commitment” they clock out of the conversation. They were looking for something a bit easier and more manageable. We are all busy these days, always on the go with no time to add something new into the mix. Most people want to achieve their goals and have the things they desire, but they just aren’t willing or don’t think that they have the time to fully commit to something else. They want the result that someone else has, but in today’s world they want it as quick and easy as possible.
When they ask the question “how did you do it”, they are really hoping that you found a cheat code and unlocked a brand new, lightning fast, super easy way to get what you desired. If you lost weight and got fit, they want you to tell them you found an amazing pill to take and you didn’t even have to change your diet or exercise. If you have achieved professional success they want to hear that you took a free ten-minute course that gave you all the answers needed to make your dreams come true. In today’s fast paced world, people want their goals to be achieved on autopilot while they go about their busy day.
Success in any area, however, requires an age-old recipe of hard work, faith, and dedication to a cause. Outside of that, there just aren’t really any cheat codes to life and success other than being born into money or having amazing luck. I will admit that the harder I work at something, the luckier I seem to get in that area, but I think anyone can tell in that scenario the outcome had nothing to do with luck. When you put in the effort and stay the course, the results organically start to happen, but there is another important ingredient that is necessary to get you to the finish line.
You can’t really blame anyone who asks the question “how did you do it” and then just kind of shrugs or averts their gaze when you give them the answer “hard work”. All they saw was your result, not your journey and they thought maybe you had a secret that could help them do the same without having to really give up anything else or put in too much effort. Yes, I’ve given those kinds of answers time and time again when asked about my athletic achievements or my personal and professional progress. It is the truth, hard work is a big part of how I’ve always done it, but there is one other piece of advice that is absolutely necessary and without which, none of my accomplishments could have ever happened. It’s something that I battled with for most of my life and to an extent still must purposefully overcome in some situations to this day. Are you ready for the real answer to the question “how did you do it”?
The answer to that question, which should be the starting point for everyone setting a goal for themselves is… Stop comparing yourself to others. Does that seem way to easy and over simplified? Well, of the billions of people on this earth, there can only be one person who is the best at something, and odds are, it is not going to be you. I don’t say that to be harsh or negative, just mathematically realistic. I know it certainly isn’t me, I’m not the best or even close to best at anything I’ve ever done. One of the amazing things about this great big world is that you don’t have to be the best at something to be successful or achieve results, you don’t even have to come close to being the best. I’m here to tell you that all goals, no matter how big or small must start with a good self-analysis and realization of where your skills fit in along the journey. To be clear, I am not telling you to not try and be the best, that is a great training tool. I’m merely telling you not to compare yourself to the best along the journey. Comparison is every bit as detrimental and dangerous as negative self-talk and self-sabotage. Both of which will bring your goals and dreams to a screeching halt.
Could it really be that simple, the ultimate hack that people have been searching for? I know that it certainly can be, combined with that age-old recipe described above of hard work, faith, and dedication. Think of it this way, maybe you want to get fit which is great, but you probably aren’t going to have the same journey or results as someone else, so comparison is a set up for failure. You can work hard and stay dedicated and have faith that it is all going to work out, but if you compare yourself to the most fit people in the world, you will get very discouraged. If you try to keep pace with a fitness professionals weight loss and muscle gain results, it will be nothing but discouragement and negativity. In my opinion, comparison is among the top reasons that anyone quits and abandons their goals.
I can speak from direct personal experience of the paralysis that occurs when you set and try to achieve a goal but continually compare yourself to others along the way. I’ve had dreams and goals thwarted from the start for most of my life because my human nature can’t help but compare that goal to whatever the absolute pinnacle of success would be in that area. I’ve had many great ideas never leave my notebook or mind because my first thought was something to the effect of “Oh, man I want that but there is no way I could ever be as good as the guys who do that for a living” or even something a little more positive like “I’m already really good at that, but nowhere near as a good as (insert name)”.
That one little comparison or thought, grounded many dreams for me over the years before they ever even had a chance to take flight. There were many times where I persevered through those thoughts and fought on to accomplish some cool things, but that constant comparison definitely made it harder than it should have been, not to mention it took a lot longer than it should have to achieve those goals. Even if you can continue to push through while comparing yourself to others, you will inevitably have down moments and periods where you give up for a while or are very negative and question yourself.
When I look back at anything that I have ever achieved, being the best at it was never necessary. That realization taught me to stop with the comparisons and focus on MY skills, abilities, and limitations as the only factors that mattered. I’ll likely never be the best at anything, and I’m 100% ok with that because whether I’m the best or the 500th best, there is still room in this world for me to be successful, and you too! So, I’m done comparing myself to the athletic juggernauts, famous authors and actors, and financial gurus of the world. They all had a journey too that I wasn’t there for, and they didn’t start as one of the best at what they do.
They likely started right where you and I did, with a vision, limited resources, and a hard-working mentality. I’m sure they are asked every single day “how did you do it” and I’m certain they give the same answers that we hear repeatedly from those types of people. They aren’t lying when they give those answers, the hard work, dedication, and faith were necessary. Anyone who has made it to that level had to have hustled and worked tirelessly to achieve those goals. That is a process that just must occur to achieve and maintain success.
I can’t speak for those at that level, the ones who are at or near the top of their games in their respective fields worldwide. I can only speak from the lens of someone who has repeatedly accomplished things that most people didn’t think he could accomplish. Historically, I have experienced great success athletically and physically. Mainly through sheer will power and hard work, but also because I developed a love for it, which helped me to stop comparing myself to others.
When you love something, you’ll go outside of your comfort zone to make it work. When I say that I have achieved great success, I am only using myself and my abilities as a comparison. I achieved things athletically far above and beyond what I think I should have been capable of, that is why I view my athletic accomplishments as highly successful. If I compared myself to an Olympic level world record holder, I would look like a huge failure next to them. I was not born with the ability or capable of being the best in the world no matter how hard I tried. I have zero regrets of my effort level in athletics, I left everything I had out there. I’m certain that if I had constantly compared myself to Olympians, I would have never reached my potential. Compared to someone at that level, my athletic accomplishments aren’t all that special, but I am infinitely proud of them.
Until I was about 15 years old, I compared myself to everyone around me and as a result I never put myself out there in any way to fail and be embarrassed which also ensured that I would never succeed. As a young student-athlete, I constantly compared myself to the older guys on the team and how big and strong there were. It didn’t seem like I could ever be as good as them or compete, and at the time I couldn’t. They were way farther along on their journey than I was, and it was an unfair and unhealthy comparison which held me down and ensured that I would not reach my potential until something changed. I had the goals, I had the work ethic, but I lacked the ability to not compare myself to others and to that point it had halted my progress in all areas of my life.
Luckily, I had amazing coaches at Franklin Area High School in Pennsylvania who taught me the value of character, hard work, and self-confidence. Due to their guidance, I was able to find the athletic potential deep inside of me by focusing on my strengths and limitations and not concerning myself with things outside of my control like worrying about how much better someone else might be than me. Armed with that new mentality, I went from a no name kid with seemingly limited talent to a record breaking, division 1 scholarship athlete just three years later. As my talent grew, so did my confidence and my ability to simply not compare myself to others as an athlete. As a result, in my opinion I ended up achieving things that I wasn’t capable of otherwise.
It would take me many years to learn how to apply that philosophy to my professional/work life. With sports, I just kind of did it, my coaches told me how and I just followed. I didn’t really have that as an adult and being a grown-up didn’t come with a handbook. Looking back, it is easy to see the disconnect. I had become a successful athlete and then a successful coach. Those things had become easier to me due to the mindset I had developed and the success I had seen, they just continued to build. I didn’t really look to or compare myself to others in those realms. I loved it and therefore I just continued to put in the work. I merely tried to be a better version of myself each day. I knew me, my body, and my abilities and that’s all that I needed to know to set goals and achieve them.
Mentally, I maintained an advantage in those areas of my life. However, outside of those few things, I was that same young boy who compared himself to others and refused to step out of his comfort zone. I always had great ideas and plans but never would bring them up or get them off the ground. The paralysis of comparison and the fear of failure ensured that I would not make much professional progress for many years.
Sometimes as a young adult, I would make the decision to move forward on a plan related to my professional life to make a change, but my hard work would only get me so far. The first time I would start comparing myself to others in whichever direction I was headed, I would ease off and eventually go right back to my comfort zone, leaving my goals and dreams behind. It was a vicious and often repeated cycle for most of my adult life after sports.
Subconsciously, I was thinking I had already done and accomplished something in the only area that I was ever good at, and that time was over and never coming back. Every time that I would try to branch off and chase a dream or do something that made me happy, I would come slinking right back to my comfortable (although very stressful) job in the school system. Looking back, there was always one constant that made me run to that comfort and it was comparing myself to others. Saying and thinking things like “Look at what they have”, “Look how good they are at that, I’m nowhere near that good”, “They are so lucky”, “I wish I had that”. I could go on and on with examples of the thoughts and self-defeating behaviors associated with comparison.
Now I just focus on my journey and realize that anyone that I could compare myself to had their own journey, likely filled with many of the same things that I experience. It’s simply not fair to compare yourself with someone else who may be ten chapters ahead of you in their story when they were probably just like you at the stage you are in.
As I’m sitting here typing this message, I’m reminded of how far I have come in that regard. This new venture of mine is risky, friends and family probably think that I have lost my mind. I can’t even see that comfort zone from where I’m at right now, but at the same time, I’m not really all that worried about it (call it faith). I know that I will likely never be the best author or speaker out there, and to be completely honest, I’m fine with that. There are probably hundreds of thousands of authors and speakers out there… but there is only one Justin Willyoung and that’s the only guy I’m going to ever compare myself to. There is room for all of us to make an impact and have success in any area that we chose. Will it be as big of an impact, or will you be as successful as someone else? Maybe not, but if your journey starts with those comparisons, it will be over just as fast as it started, and you’ll be right back to square one.
I’d love for you to set a goal soon or decide to chase a dream. Take that idea or that plan and move it forward and only compare yourself to one person… yesterday’s version of yourself. Work within the bounds of your strengths, weaknesses, and abilities and always try to be just a little better at something than you were the day before. Compete with the person in the mirror each day and watch yourself grow. When you become better at something than you ever thought possible, that is success!
